Tuesday, August 11, 2009


When I was a kid, I cried a lot. My parents called me too sensitive and often didn't know how to handle me. What they didn't realize was that I also laughed a lot, sang a lot, danced a lot, played a lot, just felt a lot. The stuff I went through in high was high drama for them and my teachers (remember I went to boarding school). Because they didn't know how to deal with such an emotional daughter, they told me to keep feelings hidden. And I did learn to. I stopped crying, but I also stopped laughing, singing, and dancing. I don't blame them--to this day my mother says she has no imagination and leads a very controlled life. That's not bad. It's how she wants to live.

But I am passionate. I'm not speaking sexually; I mean I have deep feelings, and I think I'm finally old enough (it's about time) to give in to those feelings. I'm allowed to feel passion about things. So I laugh again, and cry. I argue with vehemence and am often accused of being angry, when I'm not angry at all, just passionate about my subject. I enjoy things with greater relish again. I dance, sometimes even in public places especially with my daughter. And I'm proud that I cried in three separate places at the movie UP. My favorite thing is laughing and I'm always searching for new things to laugh at and with. I'm finding ( after decades--yes, decades--of thinking I should hide my emotions) that the cathartic aspect of letting my emotions show is actually giving me a more fulfilled life.

And that emotion is going into my books. I make myself cry regularly when I write. I also make myself laugh a lot. And when my characters face injustice, I seethe for them. I can only hope that emotion comes through as my readers read my books.

So have a good cry. Or a good laugh. Funny that both those phrases exist: "good cry" and "good laugh." I don't find irony there at all.

Books I'm reading now:
All About Love by Stephanie Laurens
Ready and Willing by Elizabeth Bevarly

No comments:

Post a Comment